On my last post I assessed the importance of discretion and described some of its practices in the realm of speech and actions. For the sake of clarity I ended the post by dividing discretion into two spheres, namely, “discretion about ourselves” and “discretion about others”. Since the first one has already been covered, let us pass to the second.
Discretion about others
Let us begin by considering what we have come to know about others through general observation and public hearing. As I pointed out in my first post:
A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.” (Prov. 11:13)
The problem with the tattler has to do with his use of a double standard, for while we are reluctant to speak openly about our failures or ugly sides, we are often prone to expose those of our neighbors. This sort of divulgation broadcasts a lack of charity. Actually, it should stand as something ugly and highly undesirable, but strangely enough there is no lack of ears for the talebearer. He can find, at lightning speed, prying minds eager to hear the secrets of others. Seemingly, these inquisitive minds know little about the beauty of discretion. Rather, they apparently love to contemplate the miserable sight of human failures. (I wrote a post some time ago which touches on this sort of double standard. It is entitled: “A stone and a stone”. You can read it here.)
In juxtaposition we have what we came to know about others through intimacy. A person has disclosed to us, in utter trust, something very personal and confidential. The question which follows is: What are we going to do with it?
The Scriptures exhort us with these words:
Debate your case with your neighbor, and do not disclose the secret to another; lest he who hears it expose your shame, and your reputation be ruined.” (Prov. 25:9,10)
Of course this raises the question: What is a secret? I suggest it is anything that is not convenient for others to know. Unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier, these entities are—for some reason—difficult to keep for oneself. Here is an example:
As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed. And He strictly warned him and sent him away at once, and said to him, “See that you say nothing to anyone; but go your way, show yourself to the priest, and offer for your cleansing those things which Moses commanded, as a testimony to them.” However, he went out and began to proclaim it freely, and to spread the matter, so that Jesus could no longer openly enter the city, but was outside in deserted places; and they came to Him from every direction.” (Mark 1:42–45)
The author of Ecclesiastes rightly points out that there is a time to keep silence and a time to speak (Ecclesiastes 3:7). And as Job affirms, it is given to the wise to discern such times: “Oh, that you would be silent, and it would be your wisdom!” (Job 13:5).
To give vent to our verbal impulse is generally injudicious. Referring to the virtuous woman Solomon wrote: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness” (Prov. 31:26). The law of kindness was on her tongue simply because kindness was in her heart: “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Matt, 12:34)
In any case, the refraining of the lips is an art that can only evolve in the classroom of wisdom, a room little frequented by the busybodies.
Writing to Timothy, Paul had to deal with this issue:
And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.” (1 Tim. 5:13)
Beware of people with a loose tongue, because “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” (Prov. 20:19 NIV)
Without a doubt, these betrayers have little scruple. They are often whistle-blowers and find consolation in snitching on others. Added to it, they usually self-advertize their exploits as to propel themselves on a pedestal. I repeat: such behavior is plainly ugly. No wonder the Bible attests:
“As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion.” (Prov. 11:22)
A last consideration
Before closing, let us remind ourselves that God has secrets, and His secrets are solely for those who fear Him (Psalms 25:14), i.e., they are not for everybody. Consequently, if God tells us a secret, we should be very careful to keep it for ourselves. The apostle Paul seems to refer to such hushing when he writes:
It is doubtless not profitable for me to boast. I will come to visions and revelations of the Lord: 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago—whether in the body I do not know, or whether out of the body I do not know, God knows—such a one was caught up to the third heaven. 3 And I know such a man—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know, God knows— 4 how he was caught up into Paradise and heard inexpressible words, which it is not lawful for a man to utter.” (2 Cor. 12:1–4)
To utter everything God reveals to us can be, not only unwise but also highly irreverent. Brethren, let us draw near to Wisdom and discern the times, and with all our learning let us learn discretion and kindness, for such learning will honor His name and bring light where there is darkness.
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